Why You Can Feel Exhausted But Still Can’t Switch Off

ReikiWellbeing

4 Sept

By Victoria Palmer | Deeper Awareness

When your body is tired but your mind is still running, it can feel impossible to truly rest. Here’s why — and what might help.

Have you ever reached the end of a really long day feeling completely exhausted, climbed into bed, and then found that your mind suddenly seems to come alive?

You’re tired.

You know you’re tired.

Your body is asking for rest.

But your mind has other ideas.

Suddenly you’re thinking about everything you need to do tomorrow, replaying a conversation from earlier, remembering an email you haven’t answered, wondering whether you forgot something, or mentally working through the list of jobs waiting for you.

You might even find yourself thinking:

“Why can’t I switch off?!!”

If this sounds familiar, you’re certainly not alone. For so many of us, feeling tired doesn’t necessarily mean we feel able to rest and sometimes, the more desperately we want to switch off, the harder it seems to become; which is so frustrating.

1. When you’re exhausted, but your mind is still running

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from carrying too much for too long. This isn’t always physical exhaustion, very often it’s mental exhaustion or overwhelm.

The exhaustion that comes from constantly thinking, planning, organising, remembering, anticipating and responding and feeling as though we need to be ‘on it’ all the time — especially as females.

Perhaps you’ve spent the whole day looking after everyone else.

You’ve answered messages
Made decisions
Worked
Driven
Cooked
Tidied
Organised
Remembered the appointments
Sorted the problems
Thought about tomorrow….

…..and finally, when everything is quiet and you have a moment to yourself, you’d think that would be the easiest time to relax.

But instead, your mind starts listing everything you’ve been too busy to think about. It’s almost as though the body has stopped, but the brain hasn’t received the message yet or is still on high alert.

You may feel physically drained while still feeling internally alert. You may want to sleep, but find yourself scrolling and unable to stop. You may sit quietly but feel restless. You may have nothing immediately demanding your attention, but still feel as though you should be doing something. That feeling you get in your gut; the feeling of unease and feeling on edge.

And this can become incredibly frustrating. Because when you’re exhausted, the thing you want most is often the very thing that feels hardest to find:

peace.

2. When being “on” becomes your normal

I think many of us become so accustomed to being busy that we stop recognising just how much we’re carrying.

There is always something else. Another email. Another message. Another appointment. Another job. Another decision. Another person who needs something from us.

We can become incredibly good at functioning under pressure. We keep going. We get things done. We show up. We keep everyone else moving.

And because we’re managing, we might not realise how much we’re actually asking of ourselves.

Until we finally stop.

And that’s when we notice how tired we really are.

Being busy can become our normal.

Being available can become our normal.

Being needed can become our normal.

Even worrying can become our normal.

Sometimes we don’t notice how much time we spend anticipating what might happen next. What needs doing? What might go wrong? Who needs me? Have I forgotten something? What do I need to sort tomorrow?

Our minds can spend an enormous amount of time somewhere other than the present moment.

And when you’ve spent years operating this way, simply being still can feel surprisingly unfamiliar.

Even writing all of this is making me stressed, exhausted and honestly ‘on edge’!!

3. Your body may be resting, but your mind hasn’t caught up

One of the things I find really interesting is that stopping and resting aren’t necessarily the same thing.

You can have an afternoon off and still spend the entire afternoon thinking about everything you should be doing.

You can sit on the sofa and still feel as though you’re mentally working.

You can go to bed early but spend an hour scrolling on your phone.

You can go on holiday and still be thinking about what’s happening at home.

You can have a completely empty diary and somehow feel guilty for doing nothing.

We’ve become so used to productivity that sometimes we even turn rest into another task.

“Right, I have an hour. I should relax.”

And then we wonder why we can’t.

Perhaps the answer isn’t that you’re bad at resting. Perhaps you’ve simply had very little opportunity to practise it.

True rest can take some getting used to. Especially when your mind is accustomed to constantly having something to solve.

Sometimes the first few minutes of quiet don’t feel peaceful at all. They can feel uncomfortable. Thoughts may become louder. You may suddenly become aware of emotions you’ve been too busy to notice. You may feel restless. You may reach for your phone.

That’s okay.

You don’t have to force yourself to relax.

Sometimes the first step is simply noticing what happens when you stop.

4. So what’s actually happening with the nervous system?

You’ll probably have noticed that the nervous system has become a huge topic of conversation over the last few years.

We’re hearing more about nervous-system regulation, stress responses, fight, flight and freeze, feeling safe in our bodies and the impact of prolonged stress.

And there is value in understanding the relationship between stress and how we feel. When we’re under pressure, our bodies can respond in a number of ways. We may notice changes in our heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, sleep, concentration or mood.

Our stress response exists for a reason. It’s part of the body’s natural way of responding when we perceive demands or threats.

The difficulty is that social media can sometimes turn a complex subject into a very simple explanation for everything we experience. Not every difficult emotion means that your nervous system is “dysregulated”. Feeling tired doesn’t automatically mean you need to “regulate your nervous system” and persistent exhaustion can have many different causes.

This is why I think it’s helpful to approach the conversation with curiosity rather than trying to diagnose ourselves through something we’ve seen online.

Understanding stress can be useful. Learning what helps you feel calmer can be useful, but we don’t need to label every feeling or experience.

Sometimes we simply need to notice:

“I’m carrying a lot at the moment.”

And then ask ourselves what support we might need.

5. Why is everyone talking about nervous-system regulation?

The reason I think this conversation resonates with so many people is because so many of us recognise the experience of feeling constantly “on”.

We want to feel calmer.

We want to sleep better.

We want to stop overthinking.

We want to feel less overwhelmed.

We want to be able to enjoy the moment rather than constantly thinking about what’s next.

We want to feel comfortable doing nothing without feeling guilty.

And perhaps most importantly, we want to feel more like ourselves again.

There is nothing wrong with wanting that, but I don’t think we need another list of things we’re supposed to do perfectly.

You don’t need to spend your day analysing whether you’re regulated.

You don’t need to find the perfect breathing technique.

You don’t need to monitor every sensation in your body.

And you certainly don’t need to turn wellbeing into another thing to achieve.

Sometimes creating calm is much simpler, like…

Going for a walk
Getting outside
Putting your phone down
Taking a few slower breaths
Listening to music
Having a bath
Sitting quietly with a cup of tea
Spending time with people who make you feel safe and comfortable
Making space for yourself
Or simply giving yourself permission to stop

6. What about ADHD and feeling overwhelmed?

ADHD is also much more widely discussed now and conversations around attention, overwhelm, sensory experiences and busy minds have helped many people understand themselves differently. For some people with ADHD, switching attention, managing competing demands or dealing with sensory input can feel particularly challenging and when your brain already feels busy, adding the demands of modern life can sometimes feel like a lot.

Too much noise.

Too many notifications.

Too many decisions.

Too many conversations.

Too many things happening at once.

By the end of the day, you may desperately want some quiet, but find that your mind doesn’t simply become quiet because the external stimulation has stopped.

It’s important to say that Reiki isn’t a treatment for ADHD and I would never suggest that it is, but I do think there is value in creating spaces where there is less demand placed upon us.

A space where you don’t have to respond. You don’t have to decide. You don’t have to remember. You don’t have to organise. You don’t have to perform. You can simply be.

For someone who spends much of their day processing information and responding to the world around them, that can be a precious experience.

7. Why resting can feel surprisingly difficult

What if you’re not actually bad at resting? What if you’ve simply forgotten what rest feels like?

For many of us, rest comes with conditions.

“I’ll rest when I’ve finished everything.”

“I’ll have some time for myself once the children are sorted.”

“I’ll relax when work calms down.”

“I’ll take a break after I’ve done this one last thing.”

But there is always another thing. The list never really ends and if we believe we have to earn our rest, we can end up waiting until we’re completely exhausted before we allow ourselves to stop.

Even then, we might feel guilty for doing it. I think this is something worth challenging.

Rest isn’t a reward for being productive enough.

You don’t have to justify it.

You don’t have to earn it.

And you don’t have to be completely broken before you’re allowed to take care of yourself.

Sometimes rest is preventative.

Sometimes it’s simply kind.

Sometimes it’s necessary.

8. What can actually help you switch off?

There isn’t one magic answer and what helps one person may not help another.

For some, movement helps.

A walk outside.

A run.

Yoga.

Gardening.

For others, it’s quiet.

Reading.

Music.

A warm bath.

Time in nature.

Being creative.

Talking to someone.

Turning the phone off.

Creating a boundary around work.

Getting an earlier night.

Sometimes it’s less about finding something new and more about removing some of the things that keep us switched on.

Perhaps you don’t need another wellbeing practice to add to your already overflowing list.

Perhaps you need fewer demands.

Less noise.

More space.

A little more breathing room.

And sometimes it’s about noticing what your own body and mind are asking for rather than automatically pushing through.

You don’t need to find the perfect technique.

You simply need to find what genuinely helps you feel more settled, supported and connected to yourself. So I would suggest experimenting and seeing what you like and what resonates…this might also be different on different days, places and situations.

9. Where can Reiki fit into all of this?

This is one of the reasons I believe Reiki can be such a beautiful complementary wellbeing practice.

Not because Reiki is a magic answer. Not because one session will suddenly make everything in your life disappear and not because Reiki replaces appropriate medical or mental-health support.

Reiki gives us something that can be surprisingly difficult to create in everyday life:

space.

Space to stop.

Space to breathe.

Space to be still.

Space where nobody needs anything from you.

During a Reiki session, you don’t have to meditate.

You don’t have to clear your mind.

You don’t have to know what you’re supposed to be experiencing.

You don’t even have to be good at relaxing.

You simply lie down, get comfortable and allow yourself to receive.

Your thoughts might wander. You might feel warmth or tingling. You might become deeply relaxed. You might fall asleep. You might notice emotions or you might simply enjoy an hour of quiet with the lovely music I will be playing.

There is no right or wrong experience.

I’ve written more about this in What Does Reiki Actually Feel Like? (And Why It’s Different for Everyone) and 7 Things I Wish People Knew Before Their First Reiki Session.

And if you’re interested in the relationship between Reiki and the nervous system, you can also read my earlier article Reiki and the Nervous System.

10. You don’t have to wait until you’re completely exhausted

Perhaps this is the biggest message I’d like you to take away from this article.

You don’t have to wait until you’re running on empty before you give yourself permission to pause. You don’t have to finish everything first.

There will always be another email.

Another load of washing.

Another job.

Another appointment.

Another person who needs something.

Another item on the list.

Life will continue to ask things of us, but we can also choose to create moments where we step away from the demands.

Where we stop.

Where we breathe.

Where we listen.

Where we reconnect with ourselves and perhaps that doesn’t mean doing something elaborate.

Perhaps it means sitting outside for ten minutes.

Taking a walk without your phone.

Having a cup of tea without doing anything else at the same time.

Going to bed instead of scrolling.

Saying no to something you don’t have capacity for.

Asking for help.

Or simply recognising:

“I’m tired. I need to slow down.”

That isn’t weakness. May goodness, No. It’s awareness. Plus self-compassion and self-love and in my opinion, essential.

A gentle reminder

If you’re experiencing ongoing or unexplained fatigue, significant sleep difficulties, anxiety, low mood or other symptoms that are affecting your everyday life, please don’t assume that stress or your nervous system is necessarily the cause.

There can be many reasons for these experiences and it’s important to speak with your GP or an appropriate health professional if you’re concerned.

Reiki can be used as a complementary wellbeing practice, but it isn’t a replacement for medical care, diagnosis or appropriate mental-health support.

Looking after yourself can include many different forms of support. Sometimes that means professional healthcare. Sometimes it means making changes to your lifestyle. Sometimes it means talking to someone and sometimes it means simply creating a little more space to breathe.

Final Thoughts

Perhaps switching off isn’t about finding a way to make your mind completely quiet.

Perhaps it’s about creating enough space to hear yourself again.

To notice how you’re actually feeling and when you’re doing too much. To allow yourself to pause before you reach the point of exhaustion.

We live in a world that constantly encourages us to do more, achieve more, respond faster and keep going, but you don’t have to be “on” all the time.

You are allowed to rest, to pause and do nothing for a while…AND you don’t have to earn it first.

Sometimes the most restorative thing we can give ourselves isn’t another thing to do, but it’s permission to stop. To breathe. To simply be and, in that space, we begin to find our way back to ourselves.

About Deeper Awareness

I’m Victoria, founder of Deeper Awareness in Milton Keynes. Through Reiki treatments, Reiki training, guidance and retreats, I create calm, supportive spaces where people can pause, reconnect with themselves and explore healing, guidance and growth. Sometimes we don’t need to do more. Sometimes we simply need the space to stop.